YOUR CIRCLE IS LYING TO YOU

I grew up in scouting. Not because I was some outdoorsy kid who loved knots and campfires more than everybody else, but because that's who I was around. My friends were in it, so I was in it, and we fed off each other's energy without even knowing that's what we were doing. Show up to enough troop meetings with kids who care about earning the next badge, and you start caring too.

Then there were the stretches where my circle was different. Negative kids, negative talk, and I watched myself turn negative right along with them. I couldn't stand things. I couldn't stand people. I saw the whole world through whatever lens the people around me were handing me that week.

I'm 55 now. Been an adult a long time. And I'll tell you what hasn't changed since I was a scout: I still become whoever I spend the most time with.

If you’re short on time, this video breaks down the core lesson.

Prefer reading? The full breakdown is below.

What Jim Rohn Meant By "You Are the Average of Five"

Jim Rohn, an old Idaho boy, is the one who put words to it. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Their attitudes rub off on you. Their goals start to feel like your goals, even when nobody said a word out loud about it. It's not motivation, it's proximity. You don't have to try to become like the people around you. It just happens.

That's the part people miss. They think character is something you build alone in a room somewhere, gritting your teeth and willing yourself into a better version of you. Some of that's true. But a huge amount of who you are right now was decided by who was standing next to you while you were becoming it.

The Family You Can't Just Cut Off

Here's where it gets harder, because friends you can walk away from. Family is different.

Some family members lift you. You love going to dinner with them, you love being in the same room, and you leave better than you showed up. Then there's the other kind. Maybe extended family, maybe closer than that, and they drag you down every single time. I know how tough that is to sit with, because you can't just cut family out of your life the way you'd quietly stop texting a friend back.

My honest advice is to do your best in those situations. You're not going to fix it by pretending it doesn't affect you. But you also don't have to give it the same access to your time and energy that you give the people who actually build you up.

What Andy Elliott Taught Me About Proximity

I was talking to Andy Elliott one day and he told me I needed to come to more of what he does. Not because he needed the company, but because he said that feeling he carries is infectious. The more I'm around him, the more I feed off that energy, and the more it lifts my own life just by being near it.

I've taken that seriously. I try to spend as much time as I can with Andy and the Macklins for exactly that reason. It's not complicated. You get around people who are already living the way you want to live, and something in you starts moving in that direction too.

Why I Built a Community Instead of Just Making Content

That's the whole reason the Rebel Wealth Skool community exists. It's called Strength Purpose Legacy, and we get on a call together every Thursday night at 6:30pm.

It's built for men, mostly ages 30 to 50, though the age isn't the strict rule. That range is who I've found resonates most with the message, because those are the men in the thick of it. Building a career. Paying bills. Trying to pull off date night once a week between everything else. Raising kids, whether they're still little or already teenagers.

I'm past that season myself. I'm an empty nester now. Two of my kids are married, I've got two grandsons who are the light of my life, and my daughter's out in Colorado. My son is an amazing guy. I wish I got to see all of them more than I do. But that's exactly why I care so much about this message. I've lived long enough to see what circle you're in actually adds up to.

Inside the community there's a classroom with lessons built around my book, The 12 Pillars of Wealth: Building a Life for Strength, Purpose & Legacy. We work through all twelve: spiritual, relational, social, mental, intellectual, adventure, freedom, and legacy. There's about 50 men in it right now. I'd love to see that grow to somewhere around 150 to 250, a real group of men who are serious about making a difference, starting with their own kids, their own wife, their own immediate circle.

How to Audit Your Own Circle

If you're not getting the results you want out of life, it's worth asking an uncomfortable question. Who are you actually spending your time with?

You might need to broaden things a little. Try a different church, or show up somewhere new on the weekends. Join a club. Shooting club, swim club, pickleball, whatever gets you around new people who are chasing something similar to what you're chasing. I'm not a golfer myself, but everyone who is tells me that's where deals happen and real conversations start, because people's guard comes down out there. They get vulnerable, they start talking about what actually matters, all while knocking a ball around a field.

This is the same idea behind the Pillar Snapshot. It's ten questions, it's free, and it shows you where you've drifted across the 12 Pillars, including the relational ones tied directly to who's in your circle right now. If you've never taken it, that's a good place to start before you decide what needs to change. You can find it at https://the12pillars.com/pillar-snapshot

Check Your Circle This Week

You don't have to overhaul your whole life this week. Just start paying attention. Notice who you leave conversations feeling lighter around, and who you leave feeling heavier. Notice who's actually building something with their life, and who's just talking about it.

Then ask yourself if the five people you spend the most time with are the average you actually want to become.

If you're looking for men who are already asking that question out loud, come join us. Strength Purpose Legacy is in the Skool app, the calls are every Thursday at 6:30pm, and I'd genuinely love to see you there.

Frequently Asked Questions:

What did Jim Rohn mean by "you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with"?
Rohn's point is that the people you spend the most time with shape your attitudes, beliefs, and goals, often without you noticing it happening. You don't have to consciously copy anyone. Just being around a certain kind of energy for long enough tends to pull you toward it.

How do I know if my circle is holding me back?
Look at how you feel after spending time with certain people. If you consistently leave conversations more negative, more drained, or less motivated than you went in, that's a signal. Compare that to the people who leave you sharper, calmer, or more driven, and notice how differently you show up around each group.

What do I do if the people dragging me down are family?
You usually can't cut family out the way you would a friend, and you shouldn't try to pretend the relationship doesn't affect you either. The healthier move is to limit how much time and energy you give those relationships while investing more heavily in the family and friends who actually build you up.

How do I meet a better circle of people as an adult?
It's easier than most men think. Try a different church, join a club built around something you already enjoy, or get involved somewhere new on the weekends. The goal is putting yourself around people who are already living or building the kind of life you want.

What is the Strength Purpose Legacy community?
It's the Rebel Wealth Skool community for men, mostly ages 30 to 50, built around the 12 Pillars of Wealth framework. Members get access to a classroom of lessons and a live call every Thursday night at 6:30pm with other men focused on growth instead of just talking about it. What are you waiting for? It takes 30 seconds.
Join the Brotherhood today.
...while you're thinking about it.

Ready to Go Deeper?

If you’re tired of drifting…

If you’re ready to reclaim your Strength, Purpose, and Legacy…

👉 Read the book:
Rebel Wealth: The 12 Pillars of Wealth to Build a Life of Strength, Purpose, and Legacy

This isn’t motivation.
It’s a blueprint.

And if you want accountability, brotherhood, and a community that refuses to let you drift…

👉 Join the Rebel Wealth Skool Community

Your life doesn’t change by accident.
It changes when you decide to build.

Strength. Purpose. Legacy.